30 unblogged things I did in June Sun 1: My Dad hasn't had any answerphone messages for three weeks since BT switched him to Digital Voice, the internet-based phone connection. We tried to work out why this might be, and were surprised/shocked to discover that as part of the package you get transferred to a free BT Voicemail service. The only way to tell you have a message is to notice you have "an interrupted dial tone", i.e. you have to keep checking your phone just in case, then you have to dial 1571. This is inherently ineffective, especially when you're used to just walking into the room and seeing a red light flash. He told BT to turn this ridiculous freebie off which they promptly did, only to discover that 7 people had left a message during the hiatus and he will never ever know what they said. Madness. Mon 2: Supermarket update: I noticed that 9-packs of Kit-Kats were 'reduced to clear' so bought up several, having guessed what was inevitably coming next. True to form they returned to the shelves as 8-packs of Kit Kats but at the same price - i.e. a miserably cynical 12½% price rise. Shrinkflation strikes again. Tue 3: I stepped onto a train at one of London's least used stations, and I think that was my old boss sitting closest to the doorway but I wasn't sure and he didn't say anything. He didn't have his [Peach] with him otherwise I'd have been certain. We'd only have ended up discussing [Melon] anyway, so no great loss. Wed 4: At the library, Richard Osman's latest novel has finally reached the "there's always a copy on the shelf" stage rather than requiring a reservation. Only took 9 months. It's not as good as the Thursday Murder Club series either, sorry. Thu 5: BestMate'sOtherHalf now has four snakes living in a tank in the bedroom, and today I was proudly shown the skins they've just shed and how two of them aren't eating. Fri 6: While I was out today I thought "I wonder if this is one of the shortest platforms in London" but I wasn't sure how to check and I suspect that's a topic for another day. Sat 7: One of my neighbours decided to have a loud houseparty into the early hours, and I don't think it's a coincidence there was a brief power cut just before midnight. Sun 8: A bird very nearly walked onto my train in Epping but then walked off, and on some people's social media feeds this is what counts as top content. Mon 9: I've been told that an 11-year-old mains-powered smoke alarm is officially 'beyond its expiry date', despite not having an expiry date printed on it, and I beg to differ. Tue 10: Around lunchtime this blog received its 14 millionth visitor. And just 10½ months since the 13 millionth visitor, which'll be the fastest million yet, which is lovely. Thanks a million Wed 11: Amongst the slew of absolute tosh written about the so-called Strawberry Moon, yes it may be the lowest full moon in 19 years but that doesn't make it worth going out to look at. Every full moon reaches this height in the sky, every single one, before rising a bit higher. Even the BBC joined the insane urging to view this 'rare phenomenon', which it absolutely wasn't, and please could news desks employ folk with a basic understanding of science? Thu 12: The album from my nephew's wedding dropped today, not a luxury keepsake book but a scrollable online collection with over 1000 downloadable images. Everyone looks happy, beaming and natural, apart from the 30 shots I appear in which look entirely unlifelike... oh god, this is what getting inexorably older feels like. Fri 13: I finally finished last Christmas's chocolate-based presents which I've been eating one chunk at a time since the start of the year. I'm not sure they'd have survived the upcoming heatwaves anyway. Sat 14: I was on the Liberty line between Romford and Upminster when two inspectors boarded the train and checked everyone's tickets. So yes TfL are taking fare dodging seriously, but there must be far more productive places to check. Sun 15: One of my childhood homes is up for sale, much-extended, at a shocking price. My jaw dropped looking at the photos in the brochure (the new kitchen island is bigger than our kitchen) and wept looking at the garden (everything ripped out in favour of a tiered "low-maintenance entertainment space"). Mon 16: If you have a 60+ Oyster card I can confirm there are only two stations within the zone of validity where the card doesn't open the ticket gates. They are a) Shenfield and b) Cheshunt. Both are run by Greater Anglia, whose staff will happily wave you through the gate if you ask, but no other train company is as cynical. Tue 17: As part of London Rivers Week they opened up the Clerks' Well in Clerkenwell to public view. It was only for three hours one Tuesday afternoon but scores of people visited the tiny vestibule to look down into history, and I hope the nice folk at Islington Museum have taken the hint and will do this more often. Wed 18: The bus stop at Seething Wells in Surbiton has a roundel flag and five tiles underneath, all of them non-TfL services, and I wondered if this is unique inside London. Thu 19: The new episode of Poetry Please, in which Roger McGough interviews Antony Szmierek, is the most delightful Radio 4/Radio 6Music cultural collision. Antony's going far. Fri 20: Eighteen months ago I started my quest to spot all the numberplate letter pairs from AA to YY. I'm delighted to say I've now spotted 518 out of 519, having finally seen UE on a black Toyota passing Bromley-by-Bow station. That just leaves UV and then I'm done, although based on experimental evidence the odds aren't looking good for a swift conclusion. Sat 21: Upminster's former pitch and putt was sold off by the council in 2021 and is now Kings Green, "a collection of exquisite detached homes set within a private community" where you can "step into a realm of opulence", and it seems that even when we do build on golf courses we waste the opportunity. Sun 22: They showed Saltburn on BBC1 this evening, the much-hyped jawdropping film previously only available on Amazon Prime. Why subscribe at £8.99 a month when all you have to do is wait 18 months and watch for nothing? Mon 23: I rewatched 28 Days Later tonight, now its sequel's sequel is in cinemas, and as well as being a great film it's also a excellent visual record of millennial central London. Tue 24: I think I saw Emma Thompson this afternoon, crossing City Island near the English National Ballet. You don't get many Dames in Canning Town. Wed 25: The shanty town under the Bow Flyover has been removed. I saw three ominous trucks parked alongside yesterday and now the entire rickety shelter has vanished, even the barbecue annexe in the middle of the roundabout. I'm amazed it lasted four months. Thu 26: According to the latest ONS data the population of Tower Hamlets is projected to increase by 20.4% between 2022 and 2032, the fastest increase in England. If true it'll then be the 4th most populous borough in London, up from 10th in 2021, up from 17th in 2011, up from 23rd in 2001, up from 28th in 1991. Bottom 5 to top 5 in four decades flat. Fri 27: I said last week that the intrusive building site at Stroudley Walk might lead to the premature demise of a local business and today coffee shop Posted threw in the towel. Officially they're 'hitting the pause button' until everything's 'looking fresh and fabulous again', but that could be ages and fingers crossed they return. Sat 28: The Atlantic World Gallery in the National Maritime Museum is being upgraded to show more stories of oppression, resistance, trauma and joy, rather than just a spin round the slave trade, and now ends with a 'reflective space' with books and beanbags. Sun 29: I love Glastonbury weekend, the huge slew of artists on TV for free without having to camp in a field and pee in a plastic loo. I watched the full sets by Supergrass, The 1975, Scissor Sisters, Pulp, The Prodigy, Ezra Collective, Rod Stewart, Self Esteem, Gary Numan, Lewis Capaldi, Caribou, Franz Ferdinand, Olivia Rodrigo, Loyle Carner, English Teacher, Charlie xcx, Four Tet and Kae Tempest, and quite a lot of Wet Leg, Japanese Breakfast and Black Country New Road. Roll on 2027. Mon 30: Yesterday's post, 'A Nice Walk', was actually about the Western Loop of the Jubilee Walkway. Paragraph 1 was Leicester Square, P2 was Trafalgar Square, P3 was St James's Park, P4 was Parliament Square, P5-7 were the South Bank from Lambeth Bridge to the Tate Modern, P8 was St Paul's/Fleet Street, P9 was Lincoln's Inn Fields and P10 was Covent Garden. It is a very nice walk.

Last week in photos (all clickable) Sunday It opened in 2011 with a futuristic flourish and it closed in 2022 after an arson attack over Hallowe'en weekend. Two youths were arrested but nobody's ever been charged. 2½ years later everything's still behind barriers, even the convenience store and the drivers' rest room, while Slough council continues to work things through with their insurers. The two-pronged tail was most badly damaged and needs a lot of repairing and recladding. It is quite frankly a barren mess at the heart of a town which could really do with fewer barren messes. Monday It reopened earlier this month after a multi-million pound revamp, in Greenwich council's preferred style which is 'heavily paved walkthrough with slabby beds'. It's nicer than it was, but that's not saying much. One of the signature features is a fine old cattle trough placed here in the 19th century by the The Metropolitan Drinking Fountain and Cattle Trough Association. It was elegantly unadorned when Murky Depths wrote his review of the place soon after the reopening. Alas the council have since seen fit to plonk a safety notice on it - WARNING Not Drinking Water - slap bang on top of the inscription. It's possible the population of Woolwich are idiots and started lapping at the contents or scooping their water bottles into it, but my money's on the council being joyless risk-averse penpushers. Tuesday When there's important information to be shown it shows important information. But at other times it's not emblazoned with trite phrases like at some stations, it shows inspirational STEM stuff. We've had equations that solve to give Christmas greetings, we've had geometry puzzles to try to solve in the time it takes to walk past (the answer was 20°) and this week we've got potted biographies of four women in engineering. They're also always beautifully written, as if somebody who works at the station has a smart pen, calligraphy skills and plenty of spare time at five in the morning. I would much rather pass by "This girl can do engineering" than "Look through the rain to see the rainbow", so my thanks to whoever's doing this. Wednesday Specifically it's the point where Abbey Lane passes under the Northern Outfall Sewer, aka the Greenway. In 2020 I traversed my local area in search of Greenwich Meridian markers but never found this one. I knew there were supposed to be three meridian slabs in Newham but only ever found two, one on the High Street and one on Warren Gardens. I looked and looked, even shifted the undergrowth, even took a photo from precisely the same place which revealed nothing. It wasn't visible earlier this year either. But recently someone's been along and scrubbed the dirt, maybe even scraped away some gravel, and now it's on show plain as can be. I feel longitudinally complete. Thursday It's so yellow, really yellow, isn't it yellow? It's not the yellowest I've seen it, that was back in the summer of 2018 after there'd been no measurable rain for seven weeks, but it's still been pretty droughty lately. This spring was the driest for 50 years, and would have been considerably drier had it not been for one frontal week at the end of May. Most of the other rain we've had has been from hit and miss storms, which may or may not have hit here. We should see some rain midweek as our current heatwave finally breaks, but long term no substantial wet spells are forecast and it's just going to get more yellow, so yellow, futuristically yellow. Friday It's the multi-storey spiral ramp at the back of The Pavilions, previously The Cedars as it was called when it opened in 1973. I love a good multi-storey spiral ramp, although that may come down to not having a car and never having to inch very carefully down one. Also I used to live in Watford so I grew up thinking these things were normal whereas instead only special postwar suburbs were gifted them. Romford's is better, Londonist reckons, whereas J G Ballard once decreed Watford “the mecca of car parks” for its concrete trio and he should know. It's a shame about the Jewsons van parked outside Uxbridge's but maybe that adds a bit of human interest. Saturday It reopened earlier this month after a year-long closure to allow for "vital refurbishment of the 25-year-old roof". The old roof let in too much sun during the summer and was prone to overheat, apparently, which was a tad careless. The revamped space now has a sprawling map of the oceans on the floor, some fresh abstract patterns round the walls and a cafe with lots of tables waiting to welcome families back. I spent a couple of minutes in the Polar/Attenborough display under The Bridge but mainly it's just a huge unexciting open space, because every museum needs an events-friendly indoor location suitable for a 750-head drinks reception or 580 seated guests.

I wondered whether ChatGPT would be able to come up with a good London quiz, so I asked it for...  A difficult quiz about London (10 questions) where all the questions have seven words or fewer  1. Oldest pub in London? I told it this was a poor, ambiguous quiz and proceeded to pull each question apart. 1. ambiguous - you've given me two answers! It really struggled to write a question about old pubs. 1. First London pub with a license? (The Guinea, 1675) ...but the first pub licences were issued in 1552 1. First London pub licences issued when? (1552) ...much too difficult 1. First pub licensed under Elizabeth I? (The Old Bell, Fleet Street) ...no, it was built in 1678 1. Oldest London pub still operating today? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...not the oldest 1. Which pub rebuilt after the Great Fire, 1667? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...but there were several 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s “The Pickwick Papers”? (The George Inn) ...that's eight words 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s Pickwick Papers? (The George Inn) ... no it didn't 1. Which London pub has a ghost? (The Ten Bells) ... several pubs claim to have a ghost 1. Which London pub survived the Great Fire? (The Prospect of Whitby) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub once housed a prison? (The George Inn) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub claims Shakespeare as patron? (The Bunch of Grapes) ...he died before it was built 1. Which London pub was Charles Dickens’s favourite? (The George Inn) ...we have no idea That's 12 useless questions before it finally came up with a good one (which I'll show you later). ChatGPT seemed to be bad at turning information into accurate questions, being over-reliant on a single source badly interpreted. It kept apologising for being inherently wrong ("Good point", "My mistake!", "Not unique enough", "That claim is shaky", "You're absolutely right again"). It also seemed to be fixated on the City of London, or sometimes just inner London rather than Greater London. 2. Which hidden river flows beneath Fleet Street? ...the answer's in the question 2. Name London’s lost river beneath streets. ...there are several 2. Which subterranean river crosses Holborn? (River Fleet) ...no it doesn't 4. Tube station with the fewest letters? (Bank) ...no there are two of them 4. Only Tube station with all the vowels? (South Ealing) ...no there are two of them 5. Where was Bow Street Runners headquartered? ...the answer's in the question 5. Oldest surviving police station building location? (Whitechapel Road) ...there is no police station there 5. Where were Bow Street Runners based? ...the answer's in the question, again On several occasions it failed to notice the answer was in the question. On several occasions it failed to realise the answer wasn't unique. It also presented very false conclusions very convincingly. 7. Only London street name with three L’s? (Pall Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Whitehall Place 7. What’s London’s only road with no houses? (The Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Constitution Hill 7. Only London street named after a newspaper? (Fleet Street) ... no it's named after a river 7. Which street hosts the only UK embassy? (Grosvenor Square) ... no there are several 7. Which London road forms a near-perfect semicircle? (Park Crescent) ... no there are several ChatGPT seemed to have no concept of uniqueness, repeatedly taking a fact about a street and ignoring the fact that other streets might share this property. It was so keen to create an incorrect superlative that it could have been MyLondon. And on it went... 7. Only London street with a traffic light tree? (Canary Wharf) ...that's not a street 7. What London street inspired Monopoly’s design? (The Strand) ... no it didn't 7. Which street houses the Old Bailey court? ...the answer's in the question 7. London’s shortest street — just feet long? (Coulson Street) ...Kirk Street is shorter 7. What is London’s shortest street? (Kirk Street) ...it's not 10 feet long, it's 13m. I was particularly intrigued when it cited my blog as evidence for the length of Kirk Street. 10. Who founded Roman London (Londinium)? ...the answer's in the question 10. Who conquered Londinium in 43 AD? ...it was founded, not conquered 10. Who established Londinium in 43 AD? ...too easy 10. Who ruled Britain when Londinium founded? ...too easy 10. Which Roman emperor ordered Britain’s invasion? (Claudius) ...but also Julius Caesar 10. Which emperor began permanent Roman Britain? ...not about London 10. Who founded Roman Londinium settlement? ...the answer's in the question 10. Which ancient people founded Londinium? ...too easy 10. Which empire established Londinium in 43 AD? ...just as easy 10. Where is London’s oldest surviving house? (Cloth Fair) ...no it isn't We eventually came up with a reasonable quiz, but only after a 4000-word conversation and much unnecessary carbon emission. 1. Which pub is London’s oldest coaching inn? I still don't think it's a great quiz but I believe it has proper answers. ChatGPT has absolutely no grasp on turning information into facts, so rely on it at your peril.

I toured London again today. Bromley the search perimeter was ready and waiting, Variety Coach 5418 drove down the hill, the man at the water fountain spotted four police cars and told me he hoped several chidren had been hurt ("they're all devils at that school"), the recycling box was full of zero-alcohol wine bottles, a buzzcut man opened a can of £1.29 Black Stripe lager and yelled across the street. Croydon two people who knew the buzzcut man yelled back, I read a t-shirt and made a note to look up where the Isola di Mortorio is, the facial specialist had a big fan going, lemon sorbet sundaes were on offer, also Four Boroughs kombucha, a blue J-cloth sat on the bar, apparently JR Was Here!!!! Enfield three executives piled into a Merc after loading their luggage into the boot, the car park awaits its future as housing, the florist warns passers-by she has CCTV trained on her outside pots, there's a 12 hour Gin & Rum Festival at Pymmes Mews tomorrow, the exterior of the restaurant is mostly geraniums. Harrow two alfresco coffeeshoppers stirred their frappés, the pigeon netting is still holding, Harrow Open Studios continues until Sunday, nobody's taken down the advert promoting the TfL Book Club (£4.99 a month) even though it folded two years ago, the cobblers kiosk has mugs on display for Mothers Day and St Patrick's Day. Havering the 375 is still serving Romford station even though the poster outside insists it doesn't, they put a double decker on the route today, nine people boarded at Bus Stop Z so it's just as well it's still running the full route. Hillingdon the Lady Marmalade Cafe was full of builders and pensioners, Morrisons is just a shell now, Rose's Fun Fair is up and running on the Common (admission £4 which includes one free ride), two swans floated down the canal, a godbotherer handed out leaflets to two diners on the Gregg's sun terrace, someone had parked an orange McLaren outside the gym. It took me an hour less than yesterday. I did not go to Barking and Dagenham, Barnet, Bexley, Brent, Camden, the City, Ealing, Greenwich, Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham, Haringey, Hounslow, Islington, Kensington and Chelsea, Kingston, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Newham, Redbridge, Richmond, Southwark, Sutton, Waltham Forest, Wandsworth or Westminster. I also went to Buckinghamshire but I didn't see anything interesting there.