A Nice Walk: A London Loop (6 miles) Sometimes you just want to go for a nice walk, nothing too taxing, leafy shade, river valleys, wildlife-adjacent, pretty views, a bit of heritage, a bit of a stroll, won't take all day. So here's a scenic loop some distance from the centre of London, not excessively arduous but a nice walk all the same. . Start your watch, we should be back here within three hours. Ahead is one of the finest green spaces on the walk, several acres with a full right to roam, although our designated path sticks to one side. I spy ducks, geese and swans and also get to dodge occasional fallen branches. Someone's put a lot of effort into their cottage garden with hollyhocks and sunflowers all ablaze, also pristine vegetable beds boasting runner beans, rhubarb and marrows. Mind the nettles beside the path. Now that's unfortunate - an old red phonebox with a jammed door and a broken glass pane through which has been posted an ugly pile of bottles and other litter. A waymarker atop a pole confirms I'm on the right track but also exudes an air of local irrelevance, also the map at its foot has faded since Neville installed it. Full steam ahead past plants with spiky fronds, also a squat conifer where bees hunt nectar deep in its bright pink flowers. I wouldn't have known that tree was a Mediterranean oak if it didn't have a plaque underneath. A family cycles by with what looks like a picnic scattered across their collective baskets. Occasionally there are raised benches to sit on, generally empty, but also an abandoned pushchair and what looks like a septic tank so best walk on. Someone's written "Big Dave Foxcroft - LEGEND" on the wall, also "Wilma is one of a kind" - she gets two mentions. For wildlife watchers a lone seagull sits on a post, a crow swoops off with a beakful of something, a butterfly emerges fom the undergrowth and the lamps have a patina of spider's web. Across the stream is a large house with what sounds like an alarm blaring non-stop. . This section of the walk is blessed with fine gardens flowering with some kind of large daisy, also something purple and heatherish, also deep holly but no barbecues please. The water's edge is littered with half-bricks and half-pipes, meanwhile the water ripples with occasional twigs and bottles. A phone mast is visible in a gap between the rooftops on the horizon. My favourite passing t-shirt is 'Made In The North, Forged In Gravy', just ahead of 'Catzilla Ate My Hamster'. The path broadens on the far side as it approaches a quiet road with a seemingly-unnecessary pedestrian crossing. The subsequent climb looks like it's approaching another churchyard but bears left prematurely past a cluster of Christmas trees to skirt the back door of the building instead. Spring's flowers may have faded but the hanging baskets here are a persistent riot of colour as the path drops gently into a separate river valley. Don't expect to see any water this time, not in the current climate. The pub by the crossroads offers a choice of proper roast or Vegan Wellington. The largest open space is of course pencilled in for commercial development, even out here. It is indeed a properly scenic spot but the majority of Londoners live nowhere nearby. Ian Visits blog I am fortuitously able to tell her. The path weaves more contortedly now, eventually entering a large field with holly hedges, shady oaks and group of friends enjoying a summer picnic. On the far side I pass a man dressed as a monk, also two sturdy men in Iron Maiden t-shirts, before crossing the busiest road on the walk so far. The whiff of sewage is intermittently apparent, also an outburst of shrubbery, also an ambulance sadly on call. Three agricultural carts have been repurposed and topped with potted plants which I consider to be very pleasant. Threading onwards passers-by now outnumber trees and hedgesparrows are less common. I have to hand it to the walk's creators, I don't think I've been down this alleyway before despite coming mighty close, although I don't like how it smells of wee. Initially I miss the penultimate alley because the waymarkers have failed again, or maybe I just wasn't looking carefully enough. On the final approach a lemon has made a bolt for freedom, also I swear those sunflowers are fake. And on returning to my starting point I see someone's now arranged a rows of deckchairs across the grass where I expected the information board would be so how would anyone know a walk starts here? They launched this circuit with such high hopes but I bet I'm the only person to have followed it today, which is a damned shame given the inherent glories of this corner of the capital.

Last week in photos (all clickable) Sunday It opened in 2011 with a futuristic flourish and it closed in 2022 after an arson attack over Hallowe'en weekend. Two youths were arrested but nobody's ever been charged. 2½ years later everything's still behind barriers, even the convenience store and the drivers' rest room, while Slough council continues to work things through with their insurers. The two-pronged tail was most badly damaged and needs a lot of repairing and recladding. It is quite frankly a barren mess at the heart of a town which could really do with fewer barren messes. Monday It reopened earlier this month after a multi-million pound revamp, in Greenwich council's preferred style which is 'heavily paved walkthrough with slabby beds'. It's nicer than it was, but that's not saying much. One of the signature features is a fine old cattle trough placed here in the 19th century by the The Metropolitan Drinking Fountain and Cattle Trough Association. It was elegantly unadorned when Murky Depths wrote his review of the place soon after the reopening. Alas the council have since seen fit to plonk a safety notice on it - WARNING Not Drinking Water - slap bang on top of the inscription. It's possible the population of Woolwich are idiots and started lapping at the contents or scooping their water bottles into it, but my money's on the council being joyless risk-averse penpushers. Tuesday When there's important information to be shown it shows important information. But at other times it's not emblazoned with trite phrases like at some stations, it shows inspirational STEM stuff. We've had equations that solve to give Christmas greetings, we've had geometry puzzles to try to solve in the time it takes to walk past (the answer was 20°) and this week we've got potted biographies of four women in engineering. They're also always beautifully written, as if somebody who works at the station has a smart pen, calligraphy skills and plenty of spare time at five in the morning. I would much rather pass by "This girl can do engineering" than "Look through the rain to see the rainbow", so my thanks to whoever's doing this. Wednesday Specifically it's the point where Abbey Lane passes under the Northern Outfall Sewer, aka the Greenway. In 2020 I traversed my local area in search of Greenwich Meridian markers but never found this one. I knew there were supposed to be three meridian slabs in Newham but only ever found two, one on the High Street and one on Warren Gardens. I looked and looked, even shifted the undergrowth, even took a photo from precisely the same place which revealed nothing. It wasn't visible earlier this year either. But recently someone's been along and scrubbed the dirt, maybe even scraped away some gravel, and now it's on show plain as can be. I feel longitudinally complete. Thursday It's so yellow, really yellow, isn't it yellow? It's not the yellowest I've seen it, that was back in the summer of 2018 after there'd been no measurable rain for seven weeks, but it's still been pretty droughty lately. This spring was the driest for 50 years, and would have been considerably drier had it not been for one frontal week at the end of May. Most of the other rain we've had has been from hit and miss storms, which may or may not have hit here. We should see some rain midweek as our current heatwave finally breaks, but long term no substantial wet spells are forecast and it's just going to get more yellow, so yellow, futuristically yellow. Friday It's the multi-storey spiral ramp at the back of The Pavilions, previously The Cedars as it was called when it opened in 1973. I love a good multi-storey spiral ramp, although that may come down to not having a car and never having to inch very carefully down one. Also I used to live in Watford so I grew up thinking these things were normal whereas instead only special postwar suburbs were gifted them. Romford's is better, Londonist reckons, whereas J G Ballard once decreed Watford “the mecca of car parks” for its concrete trio and he should know. It's a shame about the Jewsons van parked outside Uxbridge's but maybe that adds a bit of human interest. Saturday It reopened earlier this month after a year-long closure to allow for "vital refurbishment of the 25-year-old roof". The old roof let in too much sun during the summer and was prone to overheat, apparently, which was a tad careless. The revamped space now has a sprawling map of the oceans on the floor, some fresh abstract patterns round the walls and a cafe with lots of tables waiting to welcome families back. I spent a couple of minutes in the Polar/Attenborough display under The Bridge but mainly it's just a huge unexciting open space, because every museum needs an events-friendly indoor location suitable for a 750-head drinks reception or 580 seated guests.

I wondered whether ChatGPT would be able to come up with a good London quiz, so I asked it for...  A difficult quiz about London (10 questions) where all the questions have seven words or fewer  1. Oldest pub in London? I told it this was a poor, ambiguous quiz and proceeded to pull each question apart. 1. ambiguous - you've given me two answers! It really struggled to write a question about old pubs. 1. First London pub with a license? (The Guinea, 1675) ...but the first pub licences were issued in 1552 1. First London pub licences issued when? (1552) ...much too difficult 1. First pub licensed under Elizabeth I? (The Old Bell, Fleet Street) ...no, it was built in 1678 1. Oldest London pub still operating today? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...not the oldest 1. Which pub rebuilt after the Great Fire, 1667? (Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese) ...but there were several 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s “The Pickwick Papers”? (The George Inn) ...that's eight words 1. Which London pub inspired Dickens’s Pickwick Papers? (The George Inn) ... no it didn't 1. Which London pub has a ghost? (The Ten Bells) ... several pubs claim to have a ghost 1. Which London pub survived the Great Fire? (The Prospect of Whitby) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub once housed a prison? (The George Inn) ...several pubs did 1. Which London pub claims Shakespeare as patron? (The Bunch of Grapes) ...he died before it was built 1. Which London pub was Charles Dickens’s favourite? (The George Inn) ...we have no idea That's 12 useless questions before it finally came up with a good one (which I'll show you later). ChatGPT seemed to be bad at turning information into accurate questions, being over-reliant on a single source badly interpreted. It kept apologising for being inherently wrong ("Good point", "My mistake!", "Not unique enough", "That claim is shaky", "You're absolutely right again"). It also seemed to be fixated on the City of London, or sometimes just inner London rather than Greater London. 2. Which hidden river flows beneath Fleet Street? ...the answer's in the question 2. Name London’s lost river beneath streets. ...there are several 2. Which subterranean river crosses Holborn? (River Fleet) ...no it doesn't 4. Tube station with the fewest letters? (Bank) ...no there are two of them 4. Only Tube station with all the vowels? (South Ealing) ...no there are two of them 5. Where was Bow Street Runners headquartered? ...the answer's in the question 5. Oldest surviving police station building location? (Whitechapel Road) ...there is no police station there 5. Where were Bow Street Runners based? ...the answer's in the question, again On several occasions it failed to notice the answer was in the question. On several occasions it failed to realise the answer wasn't unique. It also presented very false conclusions very convincingly. 7. Only London street name with three L’s? (Pall Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Whitehall Place 7. What’s London’s only road with no houses? (The Mall) ...no there are several, e,g, Constitution Hill 7. Only London street named after a newspaper? (Fleet Street) ... no it's named after a river 7. Which street hosts the only UK embassy? (Grosvenor Square) ... no there are several 7. Which London road forms a near-perfect semicircle? (Park Crescent) ... no there are several ChatGPT seemed to have no concept of uniqueness, repeatedly taking a fact about a street and ignoring the fact that other streets might share this property. It was so keen to create an incorrect superlative that it could have been MyLondon. And on it went... 7. Only London street with a traffic light tree? (Canary Wharf) ...that's not a street 7. What London street inspired Monopoly’s design? (The Strand) ... no it didn't 7. Which street houses the Old Bailey court? ...the answer's in the question 7. London’s shortest street — just feet long? (Coulson Street) ...Kirk Street is shorter 7. What is London’s shortest street? (Kirk Street) ...it's not 10 feet long, it's 13m. I was particularly intrigued when it cited my blog as evidence for the length of Kirk Street. 10. Who founded Roman London (Londinium)? ...the answer's in the question 10. Who conquered Londinium in 43 AD? ...it was founded, not conquered 10. Who established Londinium in 43 AD? ...too easy 10. Who ruled Britain when Londinium founded? ...too easy 10. Which Roman emperor ordered Britain’s invasion? (Claudius) ...but also Julius Caesar 10. Which emperor began permanent Roman Britain? ...not about London 10. Who founded Roman Londinium settlement? ...the answer's in the question 10. Which ancient people founded Londinium? ...too easy 10. Which empire established Londinium in 43 AD? ...just as easy 10. Where is London’s oldest surviving house? (Cloth Fair) ...no it isn't We eventually came up with a reasonable quiz, but only after a 4000-word conversation and much unnecessary carbon emission. 1. Which pub is London’s oldest coaching inn? I still don't think it's a great quiz but I believe it has proper answers. ChatGPT has absolutely no grasp on turning information into facts, so rely on it at your peril.

I toured London again today. Bromley the search perimeter was ready and waiting, Variety Coach 5418 drove down the hill, the man at the water fountain spotted four police cars and told me he hoped several chidren had been hurt ("they're all devils at that school"), the recycling box was full of zero-alcohol wine bottles, a buzzcut man opened a can of £1.29 Black Stripe lager and yelled across the street. Croydon two people who knew the buzzcut man yelled back, I read a t-shirt and made a note to look up where the Isola di Mortorio is, the facial specialist had a big fan going, lemon sorbet sundaes were on offer, also Four Boroughs kombucha, a blue J-cloth sat on the bar, apparently JR Was Here!!!! Enfield three executives piled into a Merc after loading their luggage into the boot, the car park awaits its future as housing, the florist warns passers-by she has CCTV trained on her outside pots, there's a 12 hour Gin & Rum Festival at Pymmes Mews tomorrow, the exterior of the restaurant is mostly geraniums. Harrow two alfresco coffeeshoppers stirred their frappés, the pigeon netting is still holding, Harrow Open Studios continues until Sunday, nobody's taken down the advert promoting the TfL Book Club (£4.99 a month) even though it folded two years ago, the cobblers kiosk has mugs on display for Mothers Day and St Patrick's Day. Havering the 375 is still serving Romford station even though the poster outside insists it doesn't, they put a double decker on the route today, nine people boarded at Bus Stop Z so it's just as well it's still running the full route. Hillingdon the Lady Marmalade Cafe was full of builders and pensioners, Morrisons is just a shell now, Rose's Fun Fair is up and running on the Common (admission £4 which includes one free ride), two swans floated down the canal, a godbotherer handed out leaflets to two diners on the Gregg's sun terrace, someone had parked an orange McLaren outside the gym. It took me an hour less than yesterday. I did not go to Barking and Dagenham, Barnet, Bexley, Brent, Camden, the City, Ealing, Greenwich, Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham, Haringey, Hounslow, Islington, Kensington and Chelsea, Kingston, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Newham, Redbridge, Richmond, Southwark, Sutton, Waltham Forest, Wandsworth or Westminster. I also went to Buckinghamshire but I didn't see anything interesting there.

I toured London yesterday. Barking and Dagenham I thought OK that's quite enough, I should probably go home now. Barnet the hotel was still heavily promoting a wedding fair they held in March 2022. Bexley I admired the two Empathy Revolution elephants placed there by Elephantman. Brent I noted that a Full Leg Wax only costs 50% more than a Half Leg Wax. Camden an elderly lady in a floppy floral hat outshone the hollyhocks behind her. City I picked up a copy of The Standard and it was only borderline toxic this week. Ealing we pulled up alongside a throbbing blue and yellow Yvonne Bradley. Greenwich the Next Train arrow at Abbey Wood switched to point at the wrong train 1 minute before departure. Hackney an angry man in a bucket hat ranted until someone gave him a bottle of water. Hammersmith and Fulham the American family were not enjoying the mechanical savagery of their UK trip. Haringey the three topless sunbathers in the park were vastly outnumbered by nearby pigeons. Hounslow I was looking at the lobsters when it started raining. Islington the pawnbroker's £/$ exchange rate was given to five decimal places. Kensington and Chelsea five chunks of melon had been left on a bench. Kingston the surveyor broke off from using his digital level and hid in a storeroom. Lambeth I was given a free pack of 'zingy' German wet wipes. Lewisham I was surprised by the emergence of four twisty signature ventilation columns. Merton the Wimbledon branding is already everywhere but the cycle park is now suspended. Newham we finished Squid Game 2 two hours before they released Squid Game 3, annoyingly. Redbridge the grass is looking terribly yellow (and the football car park sign is new). Richmond all the cakes and pastries had been reduced to £2, somewhat desperately. Southwark I realised that if I'd planned this better I could probably have gone to all of them. Sutton Fiko supposedly offers a skin fade for €16, and even if it's £16 it's still good value. Tower Hamlets I took four books out of the library but they don't have the Stevenson. Waltham Forest the ranty vaping woman blamed everyone except herself. Wandsworth a man in a blue conical party hat walked past Pizza Village carrying an umbrella. Westminster I picked up a copy of City AM magazine and it had four features about watches. I did not go to Havering again. I didn't go to Bromley, Croydon, Enfield, Harrow or Hillingdon either. I also went to Surrey but I didn't see anything interesting there.