There was a crime out on Park Avenue today, so the police are gathering information. The police said, “This is great information. How sure are you of this?” That’s your brain, in the dark, inside your skull. It can’t see or hear, or experience anything directly. It interprets little signals sent through nerves, which is not much information to work with, so it’s often mistaken. But it tells you it’s completely sure. 100% positive. In each of these movies, the hero gets through it for the better. When he finds out his mind has been tricking him, it’s upsetting, but he adapts. His mind was at odds with reality but can now see the difference. It’s even a relief, because it explains some frustrating moments of confusion in his past. Since old beliefs were disproven, the hero takes in reality with clear eyes. He carefully proceeds with less confidence and more humility. So can you.

This book is about reframing — changing how you think about something — and choosing a perspective that’s useful to you right now, whether or not it’s universally true. This narrow definition is important because whatever you consider true is closed. No questioning. But when you say “not necessarily true”, it opens it up for reconsideration. Let’s look at “Useful Not True” in five steps: Your thoughts aren’t true. Reframe: Find better perspectives.

In my previous post, “a daily run” — (please read it first) — running was a metaphor for whatever actions you take in your life. The story is about how we choose beliefs because they’re useful, not true. Beliefs make emotions. Emotions make actions. Actions come from emotions. Emotions come from beliefs. So choose whatever belief makes you take the action you want. One belief makes you act selfish. Another belief makes you act generous. One thought makes you do something stupid. Another thought makes you do something smart. What matters is the action they create. So choose the thought that works for you. the story, picturing a pot of gold, or a tiger, or hot coals, made real improvements in the runner’s actions. Adopt beliefs for your current needs only. What works for others might not work for you. What you needed yesterday might not be what you need today. Life is nuanced. Choose your goals and beliefs only for how they help you now. I’m bad at this and have a lot to learn. This week it’s time to perform, so to summon the courage, I choose to believe I’m great at this. Neither belief is true, but I adopted them because they helped me take the right actions. In the story, picturing a pot of gold didn’t work well in the past, but later worked great during a different situation. Adopt beliefs just for fun, to try different ways of being. Don’t over-focus on the usual goal. Take your eyes off the prize and look around. Creative experiments, curiosity, and adventures are fun. Fun is always a legitimate and underrated goal. Different beliefs serve different goals. Gurus and pundits prescribe their beliefs. But their prescription might only apply if you have a very specific situation and destination. Advice should come with this disclaimer. Don’t care whether something is true — only whether it works for you. When you declare a belief to be true, it closes minds, cements identities, and leads to tribal fights with anyone who doesn’t find that belief to be true for them. photo © Josephine Stenudd

Here’s a story about my shortest date, and ketchup. I suggested we meet at a bar at 35th Street and 8th Avenue. Although she’s from New York, she didn’t know where that is. She said, “No.” OK, now I’m judging. Miserable voice. Doesn’t know the basic layout of the city she lives in. Two red flags. She said, in her weary voice, “I’m not going to tell you my last name. You could be a serial killer.” So a couple days later we met at the bar at 35th Street and 8th Avenue. She looked good. We said hello. I asked if she’d like a beer. She said yes. I brought two beers back to the table. So the first thing I say is, “Where do you think the word ketchup is from?” I looked at her and thought for a second. Miserable voice. Doesn’t know her city. Assumes I’m a murderer. And now doesn’t have the slightest bit of curiosity about anything — no willingness to engage in the tiniest bit of wonder. She said, “But you haven’t even had a sip of your beer!” Years later, I’m living in Singapore, which is next to Indonesia, so I’m reading a book about Indonesian history. It says there is only one word in English that comes from the Indonesian language. Ketchup. My instinct was right to walk out on that date. Little interesting things are all around us. But the uncurious will never know. ketchup photo by Betsssssy