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Bernie Beigne

from Sherman's Food Adventures [alt+shift+b] in life

While walking to the metro station after our visit to Lester's, we noticed a huge lineup for donuts at Bernie Beigne.  Not only that, we watched where they took freshly fried donuts and hand-dipped them into glaze.  Then they hung them for all to see in the window.  Wow, if that wasn't a call of the wild for some donuts!  We proceeded to get in line for our chance to grab some of these highly-sought after fried dough rings.  We ended up getting a half-dozen only because these donuts were pretty large. Of course we had to get the classic Glazed Donut that we saw majestically hung for all to see in the front window.  Well, I'm glad to report these were as good as they looked.  The donut itself was soft and airy, but at the same time, had a good chew.  There was a good flavour where it was lightly sweet but also had some balancing amount of salt.  As for the glaze, it was definitely there with sweetness, but enough of it had dripped off that it wasn't overly sweet. Coated with a bright red glaze, the Strawberry Donut was not really our favourite.  Let's start with the positives first.  Same as the glazed donut, the base product was really good.  However, the strawberry glaze was too artificial-tasting, so it was quite sweet and strawberry candy-tasting.  Now, this is my own subjective opinion.  I can totally see this being completely acceptable to other people, especially children. Now for 2 donuts that had the same glaze in the Maple Donut and the Maple Bacon Donut.  Of course the maple glaze was sweet, but it came with the territory.  Nice aromatics and an unmistakable essence.  With the addition of a whack load of fairly lean bacon, this totally transformed the donut.  The salty smokiness really elevated the flavours where it completely balanced the sweetness of the maple glaze.  Of course maple bacon is such a complimentary combination that has breakfast vibes. Now for 2 fruity creations, we started with the Lemon Meringue Donut.  This one they...
1st Mar 2026

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More from Sherman's Food Adventures

Lucky Lily Asian Brasserie (YVR Domestic Terminal)

As much as YVR is lauded one of the best airports in North America and sometimes, the world, I thought their food options could be better.  Well, that has been changing in the past 10 years and now we see spots like Bubble Waffle Cafe, Pajo's, Salmon n' Bannock and Sal Y Limon among others.  Now we see the latest offering at YVR's Domestic Terminal in Lucky Lily Asian Brasserie by Top Chef Canada winner, Nicole Gomes.  This is not her first airport restaurant, as she has opened Wander Kitchen & Bar at Calgary International.  The menu is Pan-Asian and offers a wide-range of options to eat-in and for takeout. We had a sampling of the menu that covered a wide-range of items including the Chicken Sesame Slaw.  Called "Sau See Gai" in Cantonese, this is a popular cold dish that has hand shredded chicken mixed with cabbage, celery, cucumber, pickled veggies, radish, cilantro and crispy wonton strips in a sesame soy dressing.  This was a good version where the freshness and crunch factor was high.  Chicken was tender and moist while the wonton strips countered that with a firm texture. Next up, we had a new dish on the menu - Crispy Thai Wings.  This was the best item we tried for the meal.  Consisting of both flats and drumettes, these wings were indeed uniformly crispy.  The skin was properly rendered and nothing was flabby.  Inside, the meat was juicy and super tender.  We loved the size of the wings too as they were neither too small or large.  On the outside, the makrut lime salt added a delicious zing while dipping them into the black pepper lime dip added such brightness and a bit of bite. We tried a super classic Sichuan dish in the Spicy Wontons.   These pork dumplings were sourced from a legit Chinatown supplier in Vancouver.  Featuring a thin wrapper, these wontons were cooked just right.  The wrapper was al dente, yet was tender enough to the chew.  Inside, the pork filling was moist and tender.  These were dressed in Sichuan peppercorns, chilli crisp and soy-garlic vinaigrette.  Nice combination of flavours, yet I could've done with more heat.  However, I'm sure they made these mild so it could appeal to all. Our last appie was the Vietnamese Meatballs.  These house-made meatballs consisted of pork & jicama.  Hence, there was a noted bright crunch to go with the soft pork.  Underneath, we found an Asian tomato sauce that was tangy and sweet.  Another layer of sweetness came from the cooked-down onions.  Adding a bit of heat and zip, we found slices of pickled jalapeno.  I thought the addition of crispy onions was necessary since the meatballs were pretty soft.  The buttery toasted baguette provided even more crunch. Although not listed as an appetizer, the Cold Sesame Noodles was another great dish to share with friends (one could eat it by themselves, but I recommend sharing it).  This was a good amount of chewy thin white wheat noodles sitting atop a creamy sesame sauce along with cucumber, peanuts, chili oil and scallions.  Upon tossing the noodles, it became apparent a bit more sauce would've helped in terms of texture and taste.  However, the parts of the noodles that had enough sauce was aromatic.  I think adding some of the chili crunch (upon request) would've put this dish over the top with even more texture and some smoky bite. Since sharing one Karaage Burger would've been difficult, we were served 4 mini-versions instead.  Loved the sesame brioche bun as it was super soft and nutty.  Inside, we found a marinated chicken thigh which was juicy and completely crispy from the perfectly deep-fried coating.  We found some creamy melted havarti, crisp lettuce and spicy togarashi mayo that added everything we needed from texture, moisture and flavour.  Nice little bite.  The side of fries were crispy and had a hint of 5-spice. We ended the savoury portion of the meal with the Bangkok Bowl.  Functionally, this was a solid red curry with mild spice, creamy aromatics and measured sweetness.  Veggies were not overdone and the rice was fragrant and chewy.  The one thing that could've been better was the chicken.  It appeared to be brined and precooked.  My guess is that it holds up better in the takeaway version from the adjacent market.  Totally understandable from a practical point-of-view.  However, the texture was not consistent with traditional chicken breast for Thai curries. We moved onto dessert at this point and went with a HK-style cafe classic in the Hong Kong French Toast.  The method here consisted of 2 pieces of milk bread with peanut butter in the middle and coated with egg and then deep-fried.  This particular one was topped with condensed milk custard, sliced bananas and almonds. I thought it was pretty tasty with crispy edges and a soft interior texture.  I liked the contrast of salt and sweet, but would've like to see even more sweetness.  The other dessert was the Salted Lava Buns.  These were pretty textbook with a soft and fluffy bun.  Inside, the salted egg custard was plenty runny.  It was aromatic, sweet, salty and a bit nutty.  Overall, the food at Lucky Lily represents something different for the domestic traveler at YVR.   Sure, some purists might wonder about the modern takes on some classic dishes, but I believe the menu at Lucky Lilly is accessible to all for a reasonable price (given it is in the secured area of the airport). *All food and beverages were complimentary for this blog post* The Good: - Pricing is fair considering where it is located - Something different - Nice spot to hang out before your flight The Bad: - Not sure about the precooked chicken in the curry, but it is understandable from a functional standpoint

a week ago • 1 votes
Sumibiyaki Arashi

Thanks to Ipanemagirl, I finally got to dine at Sumibiyaki Arashi.  Reservations are hard to come-by since Pete Ho's yakitori omakase spot has become a Vancouver favourite since it opened in February of 2025.  The place has already earned a Michelin-star and places #17 on Canada's 100 Best Restaurants.  Make no mistake, Pete Ho's lineage might be Taiwanese, but his training has been under 2 renowned Japanese chefs in Yoshiteru Ikegawa and Kentaro Nakahara.  His restaurant is compact with only 12 bar seats, where one can see him in action.  The omakase course costs $175.00 per person before drinks, add-ons, tax and tip. The meal began with an Oyster on the half-shell.  It wasn't explained what type of oyster it was, but from my best guess, it appeared to be a type of Pacific oyster, possibly a kushi?  It was briny and sweet with a clean finish.  There was some ponzu, different cuts of blue fin tuna from Nova Scotia and a dollop of caviar.  Really nice refreshing bite leading up to our first yakitori.  However, we were also presented with House-made Pickles consisting of turnip, stems and cucumber.  These were used as palate-cleansers between courses. Our first yakitori was the Dakimi Chicken Breast with wasabi.  Watching Chef Ho tend to the live flame was akin to attending the ballet where each movement and motion was deliberate in expertly preparing each skewer.  The doneness of the chicken was on point where it was plump and juicy while barely being cooked through.  Seasoning was evenly distributed and we didn't need to add anything else. From the chicken breast, we moved onto the Chicken Thigh that was coated in tare.  Due to the use of kishu binchōtan, the heat was extremely hot and smoky.  Hence, the chicken thigh, with more fat and the skin-on, was charred with crispy edges.  Textural contrast between those edges and the succulent chicken provided excellent mouth-feel.  Definitely got the smokiness as well as the sweetness from the tare. I was hoping to have some Chicken Hearts as part of the Omakase and my prayers were answered.  Sporting three gigantic hearts with one smaller one, the skewer was my favourite of the meal.  The hearts were evenly charred with smoky caramelization along with the slight saltiness of the seasoning.  Plump with a juicy interior, the hearts were perfectly grilled.  They rode that fine line between being cooked through and being undercooked.   Moving away from Yakitori for our next course, we were presented with a beautiful slice of A5 Waygu accompanied by a deep-fried quail's egg.  Without sounding too clichéd, the beef literally melted in our mouths.  It was buttery, silky and super soft.  This was marinated in yuzu kosho ponzu with scallions on top, that was it.  With a bit of crispiness, the quail's egg popped with a completely runny yolk.  After this sinful and rich piece of beef, we were present a Palate Cleanser where the juicy tomato really stood out. We moved right back into yakitori with the Lower Thigh (which really is the drumstick).  This was even juicier than the thigh and had a bit of the usual tendons found in it.  They were not noticeable though.  Once again, the skin was juicy and flavourful and not flabby.  Smokiness was at the forefront as well with the scallions providing brightness and really went well with the meat. From here, we had an interlude of sorts with the 6-hour Chicken Paitan Broth that made use of the all the chicken carcasses after they broke down the meat.  This was highly-concentrated with intense sweetness and umami.  It was also silky with a slightly viscous consistency from the collagen.  This was simply seasoned with some salt and a touch of pepper.  Really clean and delicious. Our next course didn't even involve meat in the Crispy Tofu.  This was firmly crispy, yet gave way to airiness and fluffy tofu.  Really nice textural contrast.  There was the sweetness of nikiri soy as well which was balance off by the brightness of the Tokyo negi, daikon sprouts, myoga, and shiso on top.  Right after, we were served Shishito Peppers that were salted and blistered.  They were tender with just a touch of crispiness in spots on the outside.  Smoky of course with natural sweetness and a touch of bitterness.  No hot peppers this time around! Continuing on, we had the Chawanmushi with mushrooms.  It also appeared to be crab tomalley on top (?) which added some more creaminess and depth.  The mushroom really came through while there was a noted smokiness.  It was sweet as well with a bright and clean finish.  The egg custard was silky and smooth with very little residual moisture left.  Really good version. Back to the skewers, we had the beautiful Duck Breast.  Trying not to repeat myself, but really, the duck was prepared expertly where it was cooked to medium being succulent and juicy.  The seasoning was just right where the nikiri soy added just enough savoury sweetness to amp up the umami of the meat.  Skin rendered enough that it wasn't overly flabby. I knew we would get to the Tsukune eventually and it did not disappoint.  Wrapping around the whole skewer, the chicken meatball was juicy and moist with a delicate bounce texture.  Of course there was smokiness to go with the ever-so-light crispy exterior from the grill.  It sat atop egg yolk and tare which only added to the meatball with silkiness and sweetness. Finishing with one more yakitori, we had the Wing & Drummette.  As expected, this was also succulent and juicy.  For the flats, the meat was silky while the skin was crisped up and well seasoned.  For the drummette portion, the meat was predictably firmer, but it was still plenty plump and moist.  For this one, I added the tableside numbing spice and it was a nice compliment to the natural sweetness of the chicken and the smokiness from the grill. Our last item before dessert was the Nyumen Somen in chicken broth and charcoal oil with some ground chicken on the side.  Really nice finish to the savoury portion of the Omakase.  The soup was clean and sweet with rich smokiness.  I added the chicken to the broth and it provided a certain deep in terms of flavour and texture.  The noodles were slippery and still had a chew. Onto dessert, we were presented with a slice of Melon as well as the Pineapple & Passionfruit Sorbet with poached pineapple.  The melon was supremely ripe being soft and sweet.  As for the sorbet, it was a bit chunky, yet still easy to eat.  The sweetness was measured while the sweetness of the pineapple on top was a treat.  Overall, this was a fantastic meal with expert execution of the skewers and the rest of the dishes.  Really worth the money and deserving of all the accolades. The Good: - Expertly-prepared - Flavours were impactful - Excellent service The Bad: - Sometimes, there was limited descriptions of each item

1st Oct 2026 • 1 votes
Hamono Sushi

While trying to decide on which Omakase we were going to try while in Portland, I briefly considered Nimblefish and Nodoguro, however after reading up on Reddit, we narrowed in on Hamono Sushi in Downtown Portland.  Besides the Omakase course, the one thing that makes Hamono unique is that they offer an AYCE menu once the Omakase has been served.  Yes, that is a strange concept, but something we were willing to try especially for their reasonable $110.00 price tag.  The place is pretty intimate with only 4 bar seats and around 7/8 tables. We started with some small side dishes including a Potato Salad, Imitation Crab Salad and a Cucumber Salad.  As much as these were pretty simple and basic, I enjoyed them.  Potato salad was creamy and sweet with chunks of tender potato and shredded imitation crab.  The crab salad had a great bounce texture and the savoriness was tasty.  Cucumbers were crunchy, sweet and a bit tangy.  Appetizing.  As for the Miso Soup, it was mild and had a rich saltiness.  Loved the fresh snow crab hidden on the bottom.  It was fluffy and briny. So our Omakase featured a large wooden board with 15 pieces of Nigiri and a fried shrimp head.  By looks alone, all of the fish had a nice sheen and things smelled right.  As much as the uni looked a bit dark in color (could be a male), it tasted fine.  My favorite bites from this was the A5 Wagyu, Bluefin Otoro, Hotate and King Salmon (with delicious chili crunch).  This was a nice plate of nigiri but they were a little overzealous with the scallions.  Maybe change it up with the condiments instead of using it 9 times. Our last course before the AYCE portion of the meal was the Seafood Chawamushi.  This was very delicate and maybe a touch too watery.  However, it ate with a silky texture and mild dashi notes.  The prawn hidden underneath was still buttery with a meaty texture.  It was briny and sweet.  The piece of snow crab was fluffy, briny and also sweet. Now that we were at the AYCE portion of the meal, we got some more Nigiri in the form of King Salmon and Hotate.  We asked that the salmon be served plain without the garlic crunch on top.  Turns out that it actually needed it as the salmon wasn't that flavorful on its own.  It was buttery soft though.  The hotate was large and soft with natural briny sweetness.  Just like I said before, it didn't need any of the green onions on top. We got a few smaller bites in the Yellowtail Jalapeno and the Uni Toro Tartare.  Although not the most attractive thing, the hamachi was fresh, buttery and sweet.  Nice kick from the jalapeno.  As for the tartare, it featured buttery tuna belly that had a nice tinge of the sea along with pops of brininess from the ikura.  Once again, the color of the uni wasn't the best, but it did eat well adding a creamy sweetness.  It sat atop a fried tortilla chip that added crunch. Even though I knew it would put me over the edge, I had to get one of their specialty rolls.  I went for the Bluefin Tuna Roll that had a tempura ebi in the middle with imitation crab and cucumber.  On top, there was bluefin akami, scallion, fried onion, eel and ponzu.  Yes, this was quite the hefty roll with warm sushi rice that was a touch soft but still had a chew.  I though this roll was good but was a bit too big.  Also, they overused scallions quite a bit here. One of the best things we ate was their Grilled Beef Shortrib.  Unlike other AYCE spots, these were good quality (as in more meat than fat) being tender and meaty.  The marinade was great being sweet and savory while the char on them was on point.  Although the batter on the Tempura was a bit thick, it ate crispy and fairly light.  Things were cooked right including the buttery ebi, sweet potato and zucchini.  Surprisingly, there was a piece of snow crab leg (not imitation crab) in the mix. There were a few options for dessert, but we were stuffed at this point, so we opted for the Mochi Ice Cream in the form of matcha, passionfruit and mango.  We particularly enjoyed the passionfruit as it was flavorful with a soft mochi exterior.  Overall, we rather enjoyed this meal.  However, we thought this would be better named "higher-end AYCE" rather than Omakase.  Sure, the nigiri portion was good quality and reasonably-priced for $110.00.  Yet, it didn't feel like most other Omakase meals we've had elsewhere (as in not in Portland). The Good: - Ingredients are high-quality - Preparation is quite good - Price is reasonable for what you get The Bad: - Not really Omakase, but rather high-end AYCE - Overuse of scallions on almost everything

1st Sep 2026 • 1 votes
Utopia Bagels

On our last day in NYC before an evening flight, we made the trek out into midtown searching for some bagels.  The first stop was at Utopia Bagels out on East 34th Street.  Founded in 1980 at its original Queens location, Utopia is known for its hand-made bagels.  We made it rather early on a Sunday, so the place was only a bit busy.  We ended up grabbing a selection of bagels to bring home. The most basic one in our bag of bagels was the Sesame.  After being toasted, the bagel exhibited classic NYC-style texture and density.  The exterior was crunchy, yet wasn't hard nor dense.  Inside, we found the desired chew, but it was still soft at the same time.  In terms of taste, the bagel was savory and not sweet (like the ones we had in Montreal at Fairmount).  The nuttiness of the sesame was very apparent. Of course we went for the Everything Bagel as well (it is our favorite!).  Naturally, with sesame seeds, there was similar elements to the previous bagel, but adding poppy seeds (not very many), onion and garlic meant we had more complexity.  Be careful toasting this one up though since you do not want to burn the garlic. Something a bit different was the Jalapeno Cheddar.  As you can see, this was almost completely covered with cheese.  As a result, the salty and nutty cheesiness was at the forefront.  Furthermore, this made the bagel a bit more moist and less crunchy on the outside (in particular, the side with the cheese.  Some tangy spice was provided by the jalapenos. Moving over to the sweeter bagels, we tried the Cinnamon Raisin.  This was definitely sweeter and especially with pops of flavor from the raisins, it was great with some basic cream cheese or even good quality butter.  This could all be said about the Blueberry Bagel as well, except with a more muted sweetness.  A little bit more moisture from the blueberries though.  After toasting, both had the same crunchy exterior like the other bagels while being chewy, yet soft inside.   Our last bagel in our order was the French Toast Bagel.  Yes, this was mapley-sweet with hits of cinnamon and a bit more sweetness from the powdered sugar.  Texturally, it was still classic bagel with a soft chewiness.  Really enjoyed this one, but I highly recommend that you get this in a separate bag because it took on all the essence of the everything bagel. Overall, the bagels at Utopia were exactly what we prefer - soft but chewy with a nice crunchy exterior after being toasted.  They also have a wide selection of flavors too. The Good: - Classic bagel texture - Lots of options - Manageable size The Bad: - Lines can be a little long

2nd Aug 2026 • 1 votes
Orto Artisan Pasta

It's been almost 9 whole years I've been trying to dine at Orto.  Even since they opened in 2017, I've received recommendations from friends about the place.  From its beautiful garden to their handmade pastas, this was apparently the new hot place to go in North Van.  Well, it is no longer new, but still a popular place amongst the locals and those willing to drive out to the North Shore.  We finally got the opportunity to hit them up since we were in nearby Downtown Vancouver.  Since we had an early reservation, we secured prime seating amongst the foliage in an almost private dining-esque table for 2. Being neighbouring businesses and sharing the same ethos of artisanal eats, Orto serves Bad Dog Bread on their menu.  Of course we didn't hesitate to have some for our meal.  This came with 6 toasted slices accompanied by tapenade, EVOO and caramelized onion butter.  Bread was fantastic having a heartiness to it without being dense.  It had a nuttiness and went really well with the sweet butter.  Tapenade was great too having the classic briny saltiness of the olives.  We also got the Green Leaf Lettuce Salad as well and it was organic and fresh while being tossed in a tangy and bright vinaigrette.  It was topped with plenty of shaved parmesan. Onto some appies, we went for one of the features of the night being the Calamari.  These were in generally little pieces which were coated in a uniformly crispy batter.  We thought it was properly seasoned and none too greasy.  The squid itself had a chew while still being tender.  Best part was the housemade tartar sauce.  It featured fresh mayo that was made with free-range eggs with a combination of dill, capers and onions.  Really bright and tangy with rich creaminess. We also had the Mussels Poulette with a huge side of frites.  Sitting in a white wine and cream sauce, the plump honey mussels were cooked beautifully.  We found them buttery soft with the usual chew from the mantle while having an appealing sweet brininess.  The broth was a bit sweet and bright, but could've used just a bit more aromatics.  Really enjoyed the frites as they were super crispy while light and airy on the inside.  Despite the large portion, we dusted it off. Onto our pastas, we went for the Spaghetti Carbonara.  Featuring firmly al dente pasta, there was some real texture with every bite.  Really well done since fresh pasta can be finicky to work with.  There was a real cheesy richness to the dish without having the egg curdle.  Plenty of lardons in the mix providing the fattiness as well as the saltiness for the dish.  It also provided a meaty texture intermittently between bites of pasta.  A final topping of parm on top provided extra nuttiness. For some reason, the Squid Ink Spaghetti was a little less al dente than the carbonara.  It was quite possibly due to the residual moisture from the seafood at the bottom of the plate.  No matter, as that was where some of the brininess and bright wine flavour resided.  There was a good amount of garlickiness from the garlic and garlic scapes.  However, as a whole, the pasta was quite bland.  It was lacking in salt and could've used much more chili for some kick.  As for the scallops, they were buttery soft and cooked beautifully.  The prawns were also good being cooked first and added to the pasta after.  Nice meatiness to them. In addition to our pastas, we added the Risotto with crab meat for good measure.  This was rather tasty with the definite sweet aromatics of lobster.  It quite possibly obscured the brininess of the crab, but we did get some hits of it with the bits and pieces of meat.  With the addition of mushrooms, we got another hit of umami and depth.  The rice itself was chewy and cooked right. Despite being rather full and having to pack most of the pastas, we saved room for dessert.  We ended up with the Affogato and we were surprised it came with 2 scoops of gelato.  Combined with the espresso, there was an aromatic caramel flavour.  However, with so much gelato, it did dilute the coffee a bit.  No matter, we still enjoyed this and it was great on a hot day. Our second dessert was the Cherry Pannacotta.  It was refreshing and light, but the pannacotta wasn't completely set.  I personally didn't mind it that much as I prefer that over an overly firm texture.  The cherry compote on top was only semi-sweet with some tartness.  Overall, the meal at Orto was mostly good with some things that could be better.  Service was fantastic and the garden setting elevates the experience.  Pricing is completely fair where it fairly accessible. The Good: - That garden is fabulous - Excellent service - Generous portions The Bad: - A few things could be better - If you are stuck sitting inside, it is unbearably warm during the Summer

1st Jul 2026 • 1 votes

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Optimal virulence and the Android lockdown

When you get a cold, the virus hijacks your cells and uses them to make copies of itself, destroying the cells in the process. The virus does not care about you. And yet, if you get a cold, your body doesn’t dissolve into a pile of virus-enriched goo as a result of all your cells disregarding survival to focus on virus manufacturing. Why? Well, you have an immune system. But also, if that did happen, other people would say, “Oh no, Alice has dissolved into a pile of virus-enriched goo; we should stay away lest we also become goo piles.” Better to just hijack some of your cells, so you can walk around and spread the virus to other people. Thus, the theory of optimal virulence says that a more laid-back cold virus will be more successful in the long run, which is why the cold viruses that thrive today are the non-goo-pile-converting kind. Anyway. Most people reading this have paid Apple $400-$1600 for a phone on which you can’t do anything without Apple’s permission and monitoring. That was a strange decision, but on Android phones you can run whatever you want. For example, I noticed a couple of months ago that all RSS apps were terrible, so I spent 15 long minutes having AI make me a non-terrible one. I copied the file to my phone, installed it, and entered RSS nirvana, no registration, no app store, no nothing. It seems ludicrous that I wouldn’t be able to do that. And yet, Google plans to change things. Soon, you won’t be able to run any app on an Android phone unless the person who made it bends the knee by paying a fee, giving Google their government ID, listing all apps they’ve ever made, etc. There will be an “escape hatch” for users to install other apps, but it involves secret menus and scary warnings and a 24-hour waiting period. Google says they’re doing this for security reasons, to prevent people from installing malware that does things like steal financial information. Three things that any credible analysis of this situation must acknowledge The security issue is real, and this change will help. Lots of people are in fact getting tricked into installing malware on their phones, and common sense says that this will accelerate with AI. Common sense also says that during that 24-hour waiting period, some of those people might wonder if it’s really normal for OfficialMicrosoftSupportProfessional021 to contact them on WhatsApp to send totally-safe-virus-scanner.apk. It would be convenient for lockdown opponents if the security issue was fake, but it isn’t. For 95% of people reading this, these restrictions would not be a big deal. You click a few buttons, wait 24 hours once, and then you have the same freedom you have now. That’s still far better than Apple phones where there is no process at all. Oddly, it’s also better than Apple computers, where installing programs from non-verified developers has all sorts of friction that can never be removed. Most people I know use Apple computers anyway and just tolerate the indignity. If Google cared about freedom or privacy, they could have achieved their security goals without as much harm to freedom or privacy. For example, instead instead of making themselves the sole arbiter, they could have allowed for multiple certifying entities, and could have allowed users to add others (perhaps after a 24-hour waiting period). Arguably, that would be more secure: That way, grandma could install my RSS app without leaving herself open to random malware. Or, Google could have used private on-device malware scanning, or lots of other things. Google didn’t do that because they don’t care about freedom and privacy and because they like money.1 I think that’s a fair summary. This change addresses a real issue, but it does so in a self-serving way that needlessly destroys freedom. Even so, it only destroys a bit of freedom. This change, by itself, isn’t really a huge deal. Reading between the lines, I think the real concern is what this might portend. Having made this change, maybe Google will gradually add further restrictions, slowly boiling the frog and moving ever-closer to an Apple-style dictatorship. But will they? Maybe! Still, this whole situation seems under-theorized. There are good reasons to think that a full lockdown would not be in Google’s interest. And if you care about digital freedom, you could argue that a full lockdown would be a good thing. Some other analogies Switching insurance sucks, so some insurers offer a low initial rate and then gradually raise it over time. But they don’t want to raise it too much. Maybe they can charge you $50 more per year than a competitor, because it’s not worth your time to switch to save $50. But if they tried to charge you $5000 more per year, you’d be gone. Or try this: Say it’s 1750 AD and you’re the King of France. You care nothing about your subjects and only want to extract the maximum possible loot for yourself, no offense Louis XV. How high should you set taxes? High, because you want loot. But not too high, because you don’t want your subjects to revolt and kill you. But still pretty high, because revolting is hard, and your subject know that even if they succeed, they might just end up with another ruler that’s just as rapacious as you. Or: Say you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly heat it up. What do you think actually happens? Back to phones Why are there no Linux phones? OK, technically there are Linux phones. There are various Linux phone operating systems (PureOS, postmarketOS, Mobian, Manjaro Mobile, Fedora Mobility, openSUSE Mobile) as well as sorta-Linux-sorta-Android operating systems (Ubtuntu touch, Droidian, FuriOS, Sailfish OS) and manufacturers who support them (Purism, Pine, Fairphone, Shift, FuriLabs, {J,V}olla). While I love and support these (♡), the general consensus is that they don’t currently offer an experience that’s remotely comparable to stock Android or iOS, especially for the price. (Even more technically, Android is itself a kind of Linux, but you know what I mean.) Obviously, the laws of physics do not forbid Linux phones from being just as good and cheap as an Android phone. They currently aren’t because: Making cheap phones requires huge economies of scale. Making a good operating system requires a huge amount of work. For a phone to be useful it needs good apps, which requires a huge amount of work. Linux phones don’t have those economies of scale because few people buy them. So, there isn’t enough money to pay people to perfect the operating systems, and most companies don’t bother making apps, and so few people buy those phones. Meanwhile, there are also various Android-except-de-Googled phone operating systems (LineageOS, GrapheneOS, /e/OS, CalyxOS), and the consensus is that these do come reasonably close to the experience of stock Android or iOS. Personally, I used Android for a long time while trying to disable as much of Google’s apps and telemetry as I could. A while ago, I got fed up with this and switched to Graphene, one of the most popular Android-except-de-Googled variants. I don’t enjoy tech support bullshit, so I expected some pain, but I was willing to tolerate it for freedom/privacy/whatever. In practice, I found that everything was easy and worked flawlessly and there was no pain at all. Using Graphene made me realize that I had forgotten what it feels like to be “respected” by technology. So, on a personal level, I recommend that you use Graphene. But this whole situation is full of weird tensions. For one thing, the Graphene project depends on Google for the base of their operating system, and only really survives because of Google’s tolerance. And, at the moment, the only way to use Graphene is to… buy a phone made by Google. And while I recommend you use Graphene, what I’d prefer you do is switch to a true Linux phone. That would mean that you pay a lot of money for a poor phone experience. But it would help grow the Linux phone ecosystem. If enough people did that, then Linux phones might become become good enough that selfish people like me would switch, further growing the Linux phone ecosystem, et cetera. That seems unlikely, because digital freedom weirdos face a collective action problem: Linux phones are bad and people are selfish, so we keep buying Android phones and Linux phones stay bad. There are two ways to solve that collective action problem. Either some entity could invest a ton of money to make Linux phones good, or some entity could do something to make Android worse. The status quo is good for Google You may already see the argument I’m making here. Currently Android is just open enough that weirdos like me can run a variant that gives us most of what we want. But doing that is annoying enough that 99.9% of people don’t. This gives Google almost all the benefits of full control, while also sucking up all the oxygen and preventing a real alternative from emerging. (Apple, incidentally, is laughing. They get to enjoy a full dictatorship while Google does all the hard work.) Suppose that in six months, Google decides to escalate the lockdown and completely removes the ability to run independent apps. What then? In the short-run, not much. Tech freedom weirdos would howl, normies wouldn’t notice, and the world would keep turning. But let’s look at some numbers. A rough estimate is that 3-5 million people currently use private de-Googled Android variants like Lineage or Graphene. That’s a crisp 0.1% of the global Android market. Meanwhile, it’s thought that 300-500 million people install Android apps outside the Google store. (That’s excluding China and things like the Samsung and Epic Games Stores.) The biggest reasons are (i) piracy, (ii) modified YouTube/Spotify/WhatsApp clients, (iii) region-locked games, (iv) forbidden gambling or crypto apps, (v) local sharing to save on mobile data, and (vi; least common) open-source app repositories like F-Droid. In an escalated lockdown, some of this might still be allowed, e.g. local sharing. And many people would simply accept the new restrictions. But I expect that a substantial number would suddenly become interested in de-Googled Android variants that don’t enforce the lockdown. That would be dangerous for Google: If a significant fraction of those 300-500 million people switched, there’s a risk of a vicious/virtuous cycle, where people tell their friends, manufacturers start to cater to those variants, and so on. If that happened, what would Google do? Might they clamp down on those Android variants, too? Again, maybe! Technically, Android is open-source, but if Google really wanted to kill Lineage or Graphene, there are about 200 different ways they could do that. So say they did. What would the people currently using those variants do? Again, many would simply submit. That’s good for Google. Others would decide that if they must have an overlord, they’d prefer Apple. That’s not good for Google, but probably not a huge problem given the numbers. But others would decide to look elsewhere, likely to true Linux phones. Currently, it’s estimated that less than 100 thousand people daily-drive true Linux phones, 30-50 times less than the number of people who use de-Googled Android variants. I’m too lazy and selfish to use a Linux phone now, but Google will take my RSS app from my cold dead hands, so in this scenario, I’d likely switch. If a fraction of people do that—or even get a second Linux phone—it would still represent a huge infusion of money and energy into the Linux phone ecosystem. If this pushed Linux phones from “bad” to “sort of OK”, that could kick off a growth cycle. Eventually, there would be a risk that Europe—eager to decouple from an unreliable US—might embrace them by mandating that government employees use them, or passing a law that popular apps must provide a web-app version that works on Linux phones, or whatever. Would that actually happen? I don’t know, but neither does Google. My point is that the downside risk of losing their phone duopoly seems vastly larger than the upside, so why risk it? The smart move is to crush alternative app stores and fight malicious apps while making the bare minimum concessions to keep the freedom and privacy people onside. That’s exactly what what Google appears to be doing. Of course, they might go for a full lockdown anyway. Corporations do dumb things all the time. But I really don’t see how it would be in their self-interest, and I’m not sure it would be a bad thing if they did. Dynomight: could google achieve the security aims of the android lockdown without so much harm to freedom or privacy Google Gemini 4: Yes. Security experts, privacy advocates, and open-source developers widely agree that Google’s primary security objectives—protecting users from malware, financial fraud, spyware, and social engineering—can be achieved through architectural containment, transparent auditing, and informed consent rather than centralized gatekeeping and surveillance. […] The reason Google chooses centralized lockdown over user-controlled security is largely economic and strategic, not technical: Ecosystem Lock-in: Tying security APIs (like Play Integrity) to Google Play Services makes it nearly impossible for competitors or open-source forks to build a viable alternative Android ecosystem that supports banking and media apps. Advertising Revenue: Features that dramatically improve both security and privacy—like a native network firewall, revocable internet permissions, or frictionless support for system-wide ad blockers—directly threaten Google’s primary revenue stream. Liability & Support Reduction: Treating all users as untrusted and removing root/power-user capabilities reduces the surface area of user error, even if it removes the user’s ownership of their own hardware. ↩

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