(this is the follow-up post to tomorrow's ride on my birthday bus route) Old Coulsdon, it's like entering another world. A quiet well-to-do suburb on a hill, all broad avenues, backlanes and green tendrils reaching out into rolling chalkland on the edge of the North Downs. It's barely London at all, indeed Old Coulsdon's the southernmost suburb in the capital and could/should easily be in Surrey. And if you climbed aboard that number 60 with your age in mind it's quite evocative, not least because even the place name begins with Old. Coulsdon emerged in the 12th century meaning ‘hill of a man called Cūthrǣd’ and part of its parish church is even older. In the 19th century the centre of gravity starting shifting to the valley where the turnpike ran, later the railway, and eventually lowly Smitham Bottom took on the mantle of Coulsdon proper leaving the village on the hill to become Old Coulsdon. One looks down on the other. Tudor Rose, a country pub with barleysugar chimneys. But it's only pretending to be old for effect, indeed it's really a Mock Tudor Rose, and has during its lifetime been a pubby hotel and a Harvester. After a recent refresh it's now more restaurant than cheery local, somewhere you'd head for rotisserie pork belly and a nice white wine, so I really wasn't tempted. And the parade gets even Old Coulsdoner as it curves round. A wine bar that'll also try to upsell you houseplants. Fish and chips from Danny's, a proper friendly fryer that started out when I was half my age. The most unIndian looking of Indian restaurants. A salon for perms, rinses and other hairdos. A pharmacy with an oldschool 'CHEMIST' sign above the doorway. A funeral director, perfectly poised to deal with an above average level of departures hereabouts. And the glorious Tudor Bakery. And yet Old Coulsdon is all about teenagers because they're everywhere. A large sixth form college exists just down the road, barely two minutes distant, thus a steady stream of learners nips out mid-timetable to stock up on urgent snacks. Lanyards dangling they all head into the Morrisons Daily, which must do a roaring weekday trade, emerging with drinks and packets to sustain them through English Lit, Sociology or Digital Media. And from what I saw not one of them ventures into the Tudor Bakery because that's the old people's shop and ne'er the twain shall meet. I want to shout "do you not realise what you're missing?" but instead I realise that's my childhood talking and each generation has its own carbohydrate heaven. For now the Tudor Bakery has sufficient local clientele of sufficient age but one day it'll falter and be replaced by something that no longer gladdens my heart, and that makes me feel even older. Old Coulsdon Centre for the Retired and it has pride of place in the centre of the village, even a priority parking space for its minibus immediately outside. On previous visits to Old Coulsdon I've ignored it as irrelevant but this time it screamed to me "this is you now, they wouldn't blink if you went inside". Pop In At Any Time You Are Very Welcome says the sign outside. And people have, I can see them at the tables inside probably having tea, perhaps taking advantage of a light snack or lunch. Want To Get Out More? says the sign outside. I already do thanks, but for many this must be a social lifeline, a rare chance to meet others. Fed Up With Staying Indoors? says the sign outside. I never do thanks, and I proved this by striding off towards Happy Valley and climbing the chalky flank of Farthing Downs. But the sign reminds me that one day I might be less mobile and a well organised centre run by lovely volunteers with a minibus might be as adventurous as it gets. I caught the 60 amid the modern hubbub of Streatham, then passed through the once-futuristic town of Croydon before ending up in the old-school heart of Old Coulsdon. I admired its cohesion and community, its vibrancy and tradition and its evocative selection of tip-top cakes. But mainly it reminded me of being younger and thus made me feel older, and this is why I ride my birthday bus every year because somehow it always delivers.

I've been testing the extremities of my new 60+ Oyster card. The most northerly station you can reach with a 60+ Oyster card: CHESHAM market town is a small delight, as I well know because I've been many times but I can go more often now. The joy starts as you rattle off down the single track spur from Chalfont & Latimer, a gap in the foliage opening up Betjemanesque views across the rolling Chess valley. I did however make the mistake of arriving just after school chucking-out time so the platform was awash with Dr Challoners' homegoers, clogging up the ticket gates and jumping into Daddy's car. Next time I'll come at a quieter time, stay longer and maybe head off for a Chilterny walk, what a treat. The next five: Cheshunt, Epping, Theobalds Grove, Crews Hill, Amersham The most easterly station you can reach with a 60+ Oyster card: SHENFIELD The next five: Brentwood, Upminster, Dartford, Upminster Bridge, Harold Wood maximum journey time, i.e. the period you're allowed to spend between touching in and out before they thwack you with a maximum fare. Officially it's a 20-zone journey, this because you count every zone once on the way in and once on the way out (in this case 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-A-B-C). The permitted time allocation on a weekday is 4 hours 20 minutes, which was once specified on the TfL website but alas they've since simplified the page and hidden it. I did it in 2 hours 5 minutes, amazingly, which just goes to show how generous these maximum journey time allocations are. The most southerly station you can reach with a 60+ Oyster card: CATERHAM TfL don't have any stations south of West Croydon but a 60+ card allows you to head beyond on National Rail services, well into Surrey. The actual boundary is the edge of zone 6, a ticketing fiefdom that kindly spreads beyond the edge of London up four specific branch lines. Most southerly of all is the terminus at Caterham, a lengthy off-piste wiggle down a dry valley from Purley. Trains pull into a set of buffers beside a Waitrose, generally every half an hour, serving a central platform brightened by wild flowers, daffodils and a bright iron canopy. Egress is past the inevitable coffee indent, then out into a high street bustling with florists, off licences and a well hidden Morrisons. The town in the valley is younger than the historic hub up the hill, aided and abetted by commutability, and although you can get to both by red bus it's much faster to nip to the edge of the North Downs by train. The next five: Tadworth, Kingswood, Whyteleafe South, Tattenham Corner, Upper Warlingham The most westerly station you can reach with a 60+ Oyster card: CHESHAM The next five: Amersham, Chalfont & Latimer, Chorleywood, Heathrow T5, Uxbridge

I never expected applying for my 60+ Oyster Photocard would be so impractically sluggishly difficult. ...and then went pear-shaped when my application ended up on the Imbecilic Duff-Coded Screen of Digital Quicksand. Day -14 photocard website and set up an account. Simple. I have definitely entered my correct date of birth. However I don't appear to have the option of applying for a 60+ Oyster Photocard. The options are there for an 18+ Student Oyster or Apprentice Oyster but not the card I'm supposed to be eligible for. Ah well, not yet. Day -13 Day -12 Day -11 I already have an up-to-date photograph because I've just renewed my passport. I upload that and position it nicely in the box. I've also already scanned my passport in readiness. I upload the necessary page and type in the ridiculously long serial number underneath. I doublecheck to make sure every character is correct. Finally I enter my credit card details ready to pay the necessary £20. Hurrah, I think as I press Pay, my 60+ card will be with me within days. I upload my photograph and my passport again, then re-enter my bank details. This time I get through the verify screen, receive a verification code and enter it on the page. Easy, I think, here we go. But instead of accepting my payment I get an error message. Your payment was unsuccessful. And I am taken to the Imbecilic Duff-Coded Screen of Digital Quicksand. But the letter won't download. If I try to open the file it says "Format error: Not a PDF or corrupted". I try downloading it several times and it won't. I try this in more than one browser and thus confirm it's not me at fault, it's the letter. This is particularly peeving because I don't know what the next step is. "Print off your verification letter and follow the instructions" isn't much use if you can't open the letter. Application in progress I ring the helpline again. I explain that I'm trying to download the letter but the pdf is corrupt. Oh yeah that happens, says the callguy. This is not entirely reassuring. I ask if he can email me a proper pdf but he says he can't. I ask if he can delete my application and let me start again but he says he can't. What he can do is arrange for a paper copy of that letter to be sent to my home address. I then have to take it to a Post Office with two forms of ID and £20 so that my application can proceed. I am not keen. Day -10 Day -9 Day -8 Day -7 Day -6 Day -5 Day -4 Day -3 Thank you for your recent application online for a 60+ Oyster photocard. Day -2 Day -1 "Your application is currently awaiting approval. Please check back here for updates to the status of your application." I don't hold out much hope that anyone will approve my application over the weekend. What I do instead is take my Senior Railcard to a tube station and get the bloke at the barrier to add its discount to my ordinary Oyster card. I'll take that as a small win, one day before I'm actually a Senior. Day 0 Day +1 Aha, an update. "Your application has been approved and your card is being created." Hurrah, it's finally made it to the printers. But this is the stage I should have been at ELEVEN days ago if only that first payment had gone through properly. Day +2 Aha, an update. "Your card has been despatched and should be with you within five working days." At long last, hurrah. Although five working days is essentially a week so it could be a long time before my card actually arrives. BestMate's birthday card arrives belatedly in my letterbox. "Oh, I sent that ages ago", he says. Day +3 Probably much too early but I check my letterbox enthusiastically. Obviously no. Day +4 I spot the postman coming down the street and wait expectantly on the other side of the flap as he reaches into his bag. No, nothing. Day +5 Still nothing. However my 60+ Oyster account has suddenly sprung into action enabling me to manage the card online. One of the options allows me to view my journey history... which is of course blank because my card is still in the post. Day +6 I get slightly excited when I spot a white envelope in my letterbox, but it's another letter from British Gas telling me they're raising prices. Day +7 I've been 60 FOR A WEEK and my 60+ card still hasn't turned up. A more typical experience, from what I've read on Reddit, is that the card arrives five days early. Day +8 Oh come on, it must arrive today. It doesn't. Day +9 Today is the fifth working day after my card was despatched. I check my letterbox at midday, nothing. I check it again at 1pm and my postman is firing envelopes into various slots. Sigh, a council tax bill. But underneath is an envelope from Northampton and HOO-BLOODY-RAH my 60+ Oyster photocard has finally arrived. I hate the photo, I love the card. "Please find attached your Oyster photocard. It is for your use only and you should start to use it immediately." Now the card's arrived it'll transform my ability to travel around London, of which more later. It is a totally marvellous thing for a newly-old person to own. But I cannot believe I applied ELEVEN DAYS BEFORE I was 60 and it only arrived NINE DAYS AFTER, and all due to the Imbecilic Duff-Coded Screen of Digital Quicksand. longer than usual postage times, which is totally Royal Mail's fault. I was also unfortunate in that validating my application stretched either side of a weekend, slowing things down. But I was really scuppered by the need for TfL to mail me a copy of the pdf I couldn't download from their website because it was corrupt, without which the pink and blue phases wouldn't have happened. Fundamentally I was shafted by bad programming and by a system that failed to mitigate its impact. If you're turning 60 any time soon, or if you're thinking of applying for any related photocard, I urge you not to end up on the Imbecilic Duff-Coded Screen of Digital Quicksand. It's irreversible, it's inescapable, it's corrupted and it'll cost you, so for the sake of everyone who comes after me I hope someone fixes it soon.

My apologies that today's main posts were for old people. Watch Out Children About This sign appears in Colman Road, Beckton E16. It includes the name G.R.ILEY C.ENG.,M.I.M.E.,M.I.Mun.E.,F.Inst.H.E. » C.ENG. = Chartered Engineer (now normally abbreviated CEng) Institution of Civil Engineers Institution of Municipal Engineers Institute of Highway Engineers But more notably... This may be the British road sign which includes the most full stops. It includes 16 full stops altogether.

There are benefits to getting older. At 60 Senior Railcard 60+ Oyster card (London residents only) free prescriptions free eye tests Silvers discount at Odeon cinemas Senior Community Screenings at the Barbican cinema free vitamin D if you live in Newham At 65 At state pension age state pension Freedom Pass At 85 Dial-A-Ride membership