London Football Update Premier League 2024-25 2nd Arsenal 4th Chelsea 10th Brentford 11th Fulham 12th Crystal Palace 14th West Ham United 17th Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea had an excellent year, ending the season two places higher than last year and qualifying for Europe and everyone was very proud. Fulham had an excellent year, ending the season two places higher than last year and everyone was very proud. West Ham had an excellent year, winning no great honours but finishing comfortably mid-table so the money rolls in again next year and everyone was very proud. Championship 2024-25 8th Millwall 15th QPR QPR had an excellent year, ending the season three places higher than last year and everyone was very proud. League One 2024-25 4th Charlton Athletic (P) 6th Leyton Orient Leyton Orient had an excellent year, ending the season five places higher than last year, thus earning a play-off place. Admittedly they didn't win the play-off final at Wembley at the weekend but they came second, plus they weren't losing for the first thirty minutes of the game so the fans could still dream of glory, and OK it all ended in heartbreak and tears but hey there's always next year and everyone was very proud. League Two 2024-25 5th AFC Wimbledon (P) 11th Bromley Bromley had an excellent year, spending their very first year in the Football League and cementing their credentials with a creditably mid-table finish which is their best ever position and everyone was very proud. National League 2024-25 1st Barnet (P) 12th Sutton United 20th Wealdstone 21st Dagenham & Redbridge Sutton United had an excellent year, making up for being relegated from the Football League last season by not being relegated again this year which would have been calamitous, and everyone was very proud. Dagenham & Redbridge had a bad year, throwing away a lead in the last match of the season when Solihull Moors equalised and so being demoted to National League South where no London team wants to be. But at least they didn't come second in the Premier League like total losers Arsenal so it could have been worse, thus everyone was terribly proud. Women's Super League 2024-25 1st Chelsea 2nd Arsenal 9th West Ham United 11th Tottenham Hotspur 12th Crystal Palace and the Women's FA Cup too for good measure. Their season could hardly have been better all things considered and everyone was very proud. West Ham had an excellent year, ending the season two places higher than last year and everyone was very proud. Crystal Palace had an excellent year, not the women who were horribly demoted after a ghastly failure of a season but the men who won the only FA Cup that really matters. It truly was an excellent yet disappointing season in London football, but mostly excellent and almost everyone was very proud.

I'm going to start this post about the Parakeet, with - unfortunately (for them, and possibly for you) - a bit of a rant. Why is it that no matter how much money has been lavished on a place, no matter how starry the chefs, how extensive the wine list, how exclusive the whisky collection (the Parakeet has some very interesting bourbons), the beer offering is almost always absolute garbage? I've lost count of the amount of gastropubs I've turned up to for a pre-dinner pint that seem to think it's OK to serve an exciting, seasonal modern British menu with a straight face alongside Camden Hells, Moretti, Guinness and bugger-all else. There's nothing poisonous about any of these bog-standard beers, and not everywhere can be the Wenlock Arms, but honestly guys, it's not difficult - serve the mass-market crap if you must but why not have one or two taps available for something from Deya, or Verdant, or Signature, or Pressure Drop, or god knows how many other great independent craft breweries on your doorstep? Would it really kill you? So yes my evening at the Parakeet got off to a bit of a humdrum start, with a pint of something entirely forgettable, but I'll give them this - at least, unlike so many 'gastropubs', it's still a proper pub, with a handsome and tastefully restored high-Victorian bar area supported by banquette seating at least equal in size to the dining section. And they're both beautiful spaces, with stained glass details and dark wood panelling, the dining area theatrically unveiled with the raising of curtains at the beginning of service. They can do a good Negroni too, and know how to put together a supremely attractive Spring menu, with a lot of my favourite words - crab, asparagus, wild garlic, oysters - offered at prices that, these days at least, seem almost modest. The point is, the Parakeet are doing lots of things right and so when they do slip up it only serves to remind you how much better it would be if they'd paid slightly closer attention to the details. This, for example - described on the menu as "Poached oysters & sea buckthorn granita". Now I'm going to be generous and forgive the plurality as a typo, rather than anything more sinister, because it's £5 for a single beastie is pretty much the norm these days. But am I right in thinking "poached" means served warm? This was ice-cold and tasted raw - again, perfectly fine if that's what you want but not as described. And doesn't "granita" mean a kind of shaved-ice frozen affair? This was a very nice dressing, with what can be a sharply astringent sea buckthorn element tempered by apple juice, but I wouldn't call it a granita. Duck hoi sin tartlets were very pretty little things which tasted as good as they looked - bags of salty, syrupy hoi sin flavour and with nice soft chunks of pink duck. Crab lasagne bites contained a good amount of crab meat and a very seductive cheese-toastie style arrangement of textures. They were also something I'd genuinely never seen before on a menu, which for this jaded blogger after nearly two decades in the game is impressive by itself. Hopefully it's not too much of a criticism to say that this plate of artichoke, broad beans (properly peeled, thank you) and sunflower seeds possibly would have been better described and sold as a side, rather than a starter. It had nice shaved artichokes, plenty of big juicy broad beans and the seeds added an attractive crunch, but in the end there wasn't quite enough going on to justify itself as a standalone dish. Nevertheless, we did quite happily polish it off. The only real dud of the evening, food-wise at least, was the turbot. Under-seasoned, with an unattractive flabby skin and a strangely blobby-textured, soily flesh, it really wasn't a very pleasant thing to eat and was a poor advertisement for what can otherwise be one of the best fish to eat on the planet. The pickled white asparagus and grape dressing it came with, however, was lovely, which although hardly making up for the turbot did mean there was at least something to enjoy on the plate. Bizarrely though, considering the poor state of the turbot, this battered, deep-fried red mullet was an absolute joy. Inside a nice crunchy greaseless batter was a fillet of superb mullet, every inch of it properly seasoned and bursting with flavour. I'll forgive them missing to remove a few bones from one side - they were easily dealt with, and the masala and curry leaf sauce it came with was rich with tomato and spices. I know through bitter experience that red mullet does not always taste this good, so this was a surprise as well as a delight. Desserts were enjoyable, but didn't seem to have had the same amount of care lavished on them as the savoury courses. Chocolate mousse was tasty enough and a bed of crunchy puffed oats (I think they were) gave it a bit of texture, but it's not really the best chocolate mousse I've eaten this month (step forward, yet again, the Devonshire) never mind longer ago. Citrus Bakewell tart was slightly more interesting and I liked the fragile ribbons of caramelised fruit they'd draped on top, but the cake element was slightly dry and crumbly. Overall, though, the Parakeet are doing more things right than wrong, and if that seems like damning with faint praise it still puts them ahead of a lot of spots in town. I hesitate to mention service on invites like these but everyone seemed very enthusiastic, and kept exactly the right balance between friendliness and professionalism - they also passed the folded napkin test with flying colours. And although the food menu wasn't exactly at the budget end of the scale, they do offer a house white for £29 which is approaching a genuine steal these days. So yes, if I was going to spend this amount of money and take a journey across town for this kind of food there's a few places (not least the Devonshire, but also the Baring, the Drapers Arms and the Pelican) that would be ahead of the list. But if I was a local, I think I'd be pretty happy to have the option to visit. And perhaps that's all that matters. I was invited to the Parakeet and didn't see a bill, but totting up what we ate and drank from the menus comes to about £70pp which isn't bad really.

I went out yesterday morning, inspired by something I'd read, and visited somewhere on the other side of London. When I got there I had a quick look round and took some photos. And I haven't told anyone else about it. One thing about living by yourself is that there's nobody else at home to chat to. If you have an opinion on the news, nobody's there to hear it. If you come up with a really good joke, it's wasted. If you cook something unusual for lunch, nobody comments. If you do a really good job of cleaning the windows, nobody notices. If you want reassurance that what you're wearing looks OK, the mirror never answers back. And if you go out for the day, nobody's waiting to hear all about it when you get home. Who else cares that I've watered my cactus and kept it alive? Who wants to hear that I've been back to the library and what I thought of the last book I returned? Who might help with three down in the crossword? Who can I rail at when the price of chocolate biscuits goes up again? Who'll notice that stray eyebrow hair or the splodge of sun lotion that didn't quite blend in? When I get home from visiting X, Y and Z who wants to hear details of how unusual X was and how the journey almost went wrong between Y and Z? Some of us are bursting with mundane stories and have nobody to tell. I do have one significant outlet, obviously, and that's this blog. It's not just me reporting back on points of interest around the capital, it's also my chance to tell you carefully curated snippets about my life. Over the last month I've told you about the pink tie I saw on the Overground, the bacon and sausage baguette I ate in Lyme Regis, that time I won some free chocolate digestives, a man I saw vomiting on a street tree, how good the tulips are in Enfield, a parking ticket I once bought in Basildon and that time I saw the Pope. These are all minor things of the kind you might tell a live-in partner merely to pass the time, but I manage to share them with thousands of people I've never met and it simply counts as 'content'. When people have lived with someone else for decades, I'm often in awe of how they still have things to say. They must know by now what the other person thinks of immigration, how they like their toast or whether to switch off the TV before EastEnders starts. The news can be a gift to long term conversation because it provides a never-ending canvas to comment on. Plans and targets help too, like making progress towards a new kitchen, remembering which bin to take out and spending the best part of two decades bringing up children. A top conversational tactic for older couples while out and about, it seems, is simply to 'say what you see'. One partner provides a running commentary ("ooh a cat" "the sun's come out" "she's riding on the pavement") and it helps keep everything ticking over rather than just sitting there in silence. So today I thought I'd offer an opportunity to those of you with something to say and nobody to say it to. Tell us now. What happened to you yesterday that you haven't had the chance to tell anyone else about? comments if(postComments['123456789012'] != null){document.write(' (' + postComments['123456789012'] + ')')}else{document.write(' (0)')}; So much of what we do goes untold, to any audience, especially for those of us who go through life by ourselves. It's by no means always a bad thing, but also potentially an enormous waste when we could have much to say.